I just got off the phone with my mom. the Cancer is now in my dad's scull. He is having such bad headaches they don't know what to do. My mom is scared. My dad is scared. We are all scared. I don't know if scared is the right word. Helpless, out of control, heartbroken, angry. I don't know which best describes this awful feeling. It is such an awful feeling. Cancer is such an awful thing. The pain of it all is overwhelming. trials bring growth, but does growth need to hurt so bad? I suppose it does. Well I don't like it and I won't pretend I do. It is awful to see my dad in pain. He is my dad and I love him so much. He is a great dad and a great grandpa. He plays the saxaphone and ran countless marathons. He waltzes with Olivia just like he used to dance with me. He is charming and strong and now he is crippled with pain. I wish so bad I could take it all away, but there is only one who can do that I suppose and I know he will in time. I know deep down that everyting will be made right in the end. There is purpose to this life and there is purpose to pain and there is purpose in pleading and begging and praying. I know all of this. Now if I can just live what I know. It will all be okay.