Monday, May 24, 2010
Wrote this at night with really sleepy eyes
Today we went to visit my dad at the hospital. We got in the elevator to go to the ninth floor. Coen was on Matt's shoulders and Liv was holding on tight to my hand. Before the elevator doors closed a man in his 50's got in with us. He was wearing a driving cap and jacket and seemed pleasant enough. He smiled at Matt and me and then at the kids and then He told us to enjoy them while they are little because it really doesn’t last very long. I got a horrible pit in my stomach. I get told this so often. I hate it. Not the part about nice people telling me to enjoy my babies. I think that part is cute enough. I just hate the fact that they are reminding me of something I already know. When I was little I wanted nothing more than to be a mom. I really didn't. Not an actress or singer or doctor or cheerleader. I played with dolls and I wanted to be a mom. That’s it! In college I went from major to major. Why? because nothing really grabbed me. sure there were subjects that I liked more than others, but nothing I loved. I used to feel really bad about it. I thought it made me an uninteresting and without ambition or “real dreams" (how terrible is that? I could write a whole other post on that subject) But I studied and served a mission and learned another language and traveled a good amount and married the one I really wanted to marry, but it was all in preparation for this, for them. I was 27 when I became a mom and let me tell you, when they placed her in my arms I felt heaven in my being. I know they are growing up. Right now as they sleep they are growing. Tomorrow I will kiss them good morning and they will be a little bigger than they were when I put them to bed tonight. I do enjoy it, but enjoying it doesn't change the fact that they were put here on this earth to grow and that’s just what they are going to do whether I like it or not. I do like it by the way. I love it.